NHS - Poor Cost Control

[Erichalfbee]

Two digits modus operandi works best. With nitriles on of course!!!!

Just as well you haven’t been sent a test then.

 

[jenkinsbrynmair]

just send them a used pair of underpants
Throw in the sperm ansd urine sample as a bonus

 

[Gilberdyke John]

What qualification is needed. I'm 87 going on 21 and haven't got an offer yet so what makes you so 'special' at my expense.

Routine Bowel cancer screening is only carried out up to the age of 75. After that you can request a biannual test if you feel the need. Be aware that it detects microscopic traces of blood. I was advised that haemorrhoids make the test irrelevant and even bleeding gums can give a positive result. If you do get a positive result the next step is normally a camera up the fundament following a session of moviprep (blechhhhh)

 

[pargyle]

Routine Bowel cancer screening is only carried out up to the age of 75. After that you can request a biannual test if you feel the need. Be aware that it detects microscopic traces of blood. I was advised that haemorrhoids make the test irrelevant and even bleeding gums can give a positive result. If you do get a positive result the next step is normally a camera up the fundament following a session of moviprep (blechhhhh)

We've DEFINITELY reached the bottom of the bowel now .... Enough.,.. please - I'm trying to eat a liver pate sandwich !

 

[Mint Bee]

I'm reminder of an old 'joke'

did you hear about the mathematician with constipation?
He worked it out with a pencil...

I'll get my coat

 

[Erichalfbee]

My test is sitting hiding in the bathroom cupboard. I suppose I should just get on with it.

 

[The Poot]

Who can remember “Izal medicated. Tear along dotted line”?

 

[Newbeeneil]

Who can remember “Izal medicated. Tear along dotted line”?

And bronco signed on every sheet!

 

[Mint Bee]

I had a colonoscopy a few years ago. Whilst there I jokingly enquired of the colonoscopist if it were possible to get a DVD of the exam as at that moment I thought it would make a uniquely personal Christmas gift for my wife. I think it was the sedative thinking. Probably for the best he decline my request

 

[Newbeeneil]

I had a colonoscopy a few years ago. Whilst there I jokingly enquired of the colonoscopist if it were possible to get a DVD of the exam as at that moment I thought it would make a uniquely personal Christmas gift for my wife. I think it was the sedative thinking. Probably for the best he decline my request

Whenever I have one I decline the sedative as it allows me to drive home and you can watch the examination on the screen.
The only down side is when the camera makes a swift change in direction it feels like you are just about to appear in a scene from "Alien".

 

[victor meldrew]

Whenever I have one I decline the sedative as it allows me to drive home and you can watch the examination on the screen.
The only down side is when the camera makes a swift change in direction it feels like you are just about to appear in a scene from "Alien".

Having Barrets oesophagus I have regular endoscope examinations.
I don’t have sedation . However the screen is situated behind your head as the endoscopist has you facing him or her , thus looking over over your head .

 

[Erichalfbee]

Having Barrets oesophagus I have regular endoscope examinations.
I don’t have sedation . However the screen is situated behind your head as the endoscopist has you facing him or her , thus looking over over your head .

Crikey! How do you cope without a sedative?

 

[Newbeeneil]

Having Barrets oesophagus I have regular endoscope examinations.
I don’t have sedation . However the screen is situated behind your head as the endoscopist has you facing him or her , thus looking over over your head .

Oooops,I was talking about a sigmoidoscopy so mine works from the rear (best place to be) and has the screen in front of him and me.

 

[Newbeeneil]

Crikey! How do you cope without a sedative?

I think I would have problems with that... I have a sedative when they go in to do ERCP's on me to remove gall stones.

 

[victor meldrew]

Crikey! How do you cope without a sedative?

Local anaesthetic sprayed down the throat just to quell the gagging instinct!
the procedure involves biopsies being take , you can feel them nipping the bits from the area they want the samples from but it isn’t painful .

 

[JamezF]

Who can remember “Izal medicated. Tear along dotted line”?

Remember it? I think I still have the paper cuts!

I believe it might have been Sandy Toksvig who said that when she was at boarding school they used to use it to write letters home because it was so much lighter than paper that it didn't cost so much to send air mail.

James

 

[Amari]

Who can remember “Izal medicated. Tear along dotted line”?

Yes, it was thin, brittle and slightly shiny. My microbiologist colleague told me that, when it was superseded, the number of specimens from subjects with infective diarrhoea submitted to the Public Health Laboratory declined significantly...

 

[jenkinsbrynmair]

Who can remember “Izal medicated. Tear along dotted line”?

Good old 'Slide and Glide' if you worked in a government establishment it would have the MOD 'duck's foot' stamped on every sheet in case you were tempted to take some home!!

 

[Wilco]

We've DEFINITELY reached the bottom of the bowel now .... Enough.,.. please - I'm trying to eat a liver pate sandwich !

Liver isn't at the bottom of the bowel. Although depending on your transit time I guess the bit in your sandwich technically could be...

 

[Firefly]

There is an intention to reduce the screening age to 50 - a good thing too; it got my best mate in his 50s and took him before he was 60

Bowel screening to start at 50

It looks as if it might be a "home test" kit in future. We're all experts now!

I imagine this might have been disrupted by Covid