grandparent rights

[BeeJayBee]

so any way now for the big question, does grand parents have any rights, vistor rights ??

This Bill A Bill to give grandparents rights of access to their grandchildren in certain circumstances; and for connected purposes. has had its Second Reading http://services.parliament.uk/bills/2010-11/grandparentsaccessrights.html

It also says, If you require any further information about the Bill then please contact the sponsor Andrew Percy. http://www.andrewpercy.org/

Children having unplanned children of their own is too common, and can spoil too many lives. If this was my child, either male of female, I would be as furious, upset, and worried as Pete. psafloyd is right - underage sex is illegal, but it's rarely prosecuted which means that few worry about possible penalties whilst having their moments of fun and, of course, pregnancy will never happen to them.

Schools and/or the education system deal with this quite often, and arrangements can usually be made to make sure the girl at least takes her GCSEs, so has some qualifications to fall back on in later life.

The rest is up to the couple themselves, and their parents. The thing is to try to do the right things now, for the teenagers and their future child. It can work. Good can become of a bad situation.

Pete - take consolation from other people's positive experiences. A friend of mine was married shortly after her 16th birthday. Their first child arrived soon after. The couple are still together and their children have done very well - their oldest has PhD Engineering.

 

[Queens59]

Good luck Pete - I know it won't be easy - but try to make friends with the Mum - so she sees you as an ally not an enemy...

Keep in with her parents for the same reason (you may need them to get 'back-door' access if things do fall apart)...

And go buy a baby sized gardening set for the allotment and a baby bee suit - it will be difficult, frustrating...but that child is going to need as much love as it can get - but you're man enough to be there.

Congratulations Pete and remember DEEP BREATHING helps!!

 

[hedgerow pete]

well its too late to change anything now as they say, its the grand children bit that narks me off,

i can see the whole going south as it where, as she can be very tempermental at times,

and the relasionship has had more on offs, think Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor more than anyone else.

i just want the grand parent bit sorted,

ho and by the way its Gramp's hedgerow pete,

 

[Black Comb]

Well show me a 15 year old female who is not temperental.

This happened to a relative of my wife. Grandparents were supportive of the couple and helped them find house. They married and another child came along. Grandparents always made fuss of and kept in touch with children.
When the children were 7 or 8 the couple split and divroced. However, grandparents still helped mother (son was theirs) andkept in touch.
Children now grown up and bring their babies to see great grandma.
All worked out ok in the end.

If you get her parents " on side" that will help you a lot.

Good luck and remember, when the baby arrives it will all change.

 

[Hivemaker.]

i can see the whole going south as it where, as she can be very tempermental at times,

Be supportive and do your best Pete,you can do no more...well maybe get both familys on the Jerry Springer show,but not sure that would help much.

 

[Erichalfbee]

My step daughter has two children,7 and 3, from different foundered relationships. It has taken a lot of work but both children are in regular touch with both sets of grandparents. In fact there is more support offered by the grandparents than the father so stick with it. And yes, congrats Gramps.

 

[fox403]

It's money side that's the big worry....there kids no jobs poor Pete supposed to swap a hive for a pram? Just when u think u stopped paying hand over fist for them

Sent from my MB525 using Tapatalk

 

[hedgerow pete]

i know all about the money, thats me skinted AGAIN for another 16 years, just when i was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel

 

[Hivemaker.]

i know all about the money, thats me skinted AGAIN for another 16 years,l

I think you should rekon on more like 25 years or more, by the way things are going.

 

[thedeaddiplomat]

Sorry to hear of your concerns, Pete. Children are a worry (at whatever age they have reached!).

One way of getting some unbiased, helpful advice would be to contact your nearest Citizens Advice Bureau (where they will have the latest legal guidance together with other information on support groups - for you or your son - etc). They do provide some information on their website: www.adviceguide.org.uk: but as a former volunteer advisor, I can assure you that their internal information system is very comprehensive indeed.

 

[hedgerow pete]

thanks for the cab tip but where i live you cant get to see them as i am white and speak english , lol

it does look as if i am stuffed if she plays up as i cant find any as it were grand parent rights, i will have to make sure that the other grandparents stay on my side just incase.

it does make me crazy though as i will end up spending thousands of pounds and have no rights to show for it,

 

[tonybloke]

it does look as if i am stuffed if she plays up as i cant find any as it were grand parent rights, i will have to make sure that the other grandparents stay on my side just incase.
it does make me crazy though as i will end up spending thousands of pounds and have no rights to show for it,

throwing money at the situation will only make it worse. they've obviously thought about it, have good pro-life morals, and have also probably thought of some of the financial consequences.
let them make their own way, at their own pace,

a good teacher/parent runs behind the student/child, encouraging him/her along, not dragging the student behind them.

 

[hedgerow pete]

throwing money at the situation will only make it worse. they've obviously thought about it, have good pro-life morals, and have also probably thought of some of the financial consequences.
let them make their own way, at their own pace,

a good teacher/parent runs behind the student/child, encouraging him/her along, not dragging the student behind them.

sorry you missed the point, i am not throwing money at them, sod that i dont have enough as it is,

the grandson will cost me thousands because whos going to buy nappies and clothes and prams and every thing else a baby needs let alone all the car trips to and from the doctors etc.

the two kids involved, she is at school about to start six form next year and then after that three years at uni so she wont earn a single penny untill at least 2016 if that, and as for tim he has another year to go at collage before starting to find a job which is proberly zero chance because of his course is a micky mouse one to normal hairy builders,

so thats still nappies and food to buy, as for the student helping bit

personaly i would bung the pair of them out and send them to conventry ( in both ways!!!!) but at the end of the day if i dont step in with the other set of parents and wipe backsides who is, and why should the grand child loose because mum and dad were idiots

 

[Brosville]

Good heavens - have you not heard the words "welfare state"? - despite the best effort of the Nasty party, we still have one - mother and baby will be provided for financially, and she will have an army of people to help her through her pregnancy/motherhood. In these parts we have "4x4s" - young mums with 4 kids, all by different fathers, none of whom they could pick out of an id parade........ it gets them a free flat/house and benefits of all sorts.......

As I said, the kids have done something daft - they are alive, they've proved they're fit, what's the real problem? I don't think there is such a big one - it may be annoying, silly, bad timing, but at the end of the day, they're bringing a child into the world, and they will need help and moral support from both families, so rather than whingeing about it, and muttering about money and "rights", why not look at how to make the best of a bad job (which isn't that "bad" at all) - it need not cost you a bean, just some of your time and your experience of the world to help them through it....

 

[BeeJayBee]

it does look as if i am stuffed if she plays up as i cant find any as it were grand parent rights

Did you check the link I posted earlier? There's a Bill on its way through Parliament. You can find out what's in it, and can also contact the MP responsible for it for more information.

the grandson will cost me thousands because whos going to buy nappies and clothes and prams and every thing else a baby needs let alone all the car trips to and from the doctors etc.

As soon as the child is born they'll get Child Benefit, which should be at least enough to buy nappies. There are also means tested grants available, towards necessities, which includes pram or pushchair, a cot and so on. They may also be eligible for their own accommodation.

I expect the sixth form will have childcare facilities, available to both staff and students - they do round here.

If you and her parents are already planning your spending, how will this help these young parents look after themselves and their child? It is, after all, their child. It's easy to be angry, and it's easy to want to step in and take over when young people make mistakes, but it's also a sure way of alienating them.

Your son and his girlfriend have already made the biggest decision of their lives, which is to keep the child they're expecting. She could, quite easily, have had a termination and none of you need to have been any the wiser.

 

[gingerbees]

The Grandparents' Association have a range of services. These include a general helpline, welfare benefits advice, support groups and factsheets, including on issues like contact, and residence orders.

You can find out more about the Grandparents' Association, and get copies of their factsheets and information by contacting them:

Helpline: 0845 434 9585
Welfare benefits advice: 0844 357 1033
Website: www.grandparents-association.org.uk.

Mum will loose her child benefit when she gives birth as baby will then be entitled to it, if Mum is 16 she needs to open a bank account and see citizens advice for benefit options. Be warned that there isn't a lot of support till she is 17 but family support groups in your area may be able to provide safety equipment, stairgates etc.

It is worth asking your health visitor about charities in your area, there is lots of support available for you all.

 

[Skyhook]

As I said, the kids have done something daft - they are alive, they've proved they're fit, what's the real problem? I don't think there is such a big one - it may be annoying, silly, bad timing, but at the end of the day, they're bringing a child into the world, and they will need help and moral support from both families, so rather than whingeing about it, and muttering about money and "rights", why not look at how to make the best of a bad job (which isn't that "bad" at all) - it need not cost you a bean, just some of your time and your experience of the world to help them through it....

Good grief, I agree with Bros!

Let's review the situation. First, no-one's died or is dying. Given yours and Tim's history, surely that's something to celebrate?

Second, they're in the current situation because they didn't plan calmly and sensibly in the heat of the moment. They're teenagers! The brain keeps developing until about 25, I've had to learn that, sensible and intelligent as my 18-year old son is, I shouldn't assume adult-grade decision making.

Third, as Bros says, what do you think the welfare state is for? It's not going to wave a magic wand and make everything lovely, but there will be help there.

Fourth, it's no good ranting about the situation. The present is already decided, the only questions are about the future, and a lot of that will depend on how you and the girls parents react.

You have nothing to gain by reacting badly, and a lot to lose (a grandchild, and quite possibly a son). In my experience the legal situation is not that important. A friend of mine had a son because of lack of protection when the red mist was down, and he was older- about 20, if I remember right. They lived together for a while, and when the relationship broke down he got access and tried to continue to be a father. The girl didn't want this, so whenever he was due a visit she would get the child so worked up, saying bad things about the father, that my friend gave up as he felt it wasn't in the child's interests to continue.

Your only route here is to maintain your relationship with your son, and to try to build relationships with the girl and her parents. A drunk HP is not going to be a much more inviting prospect than an angry one. You have to present as good grandfather material, or you'll find yourself left out in the cold.

I hope I haven't overstepped the mark. I want this to turn out as well for you as possible, but for that to happen you've got to put your feelings aside and be the grown-up.

.

 

[hedgerow pete]

well the worst happened today, i had to go arround and clear out my sons gear from the other grandparents house this afternoon, since its day one we are keeping it civel at the moment, i was thinking that hopefully a few days apart will knock some sence into them both!!


if not gwad knows whats next, i was hopping to try and sort some thing out between the grandparents with access for him as well as for us,

hay ho life goes on

 

[Polyanwood]

Thinking of you Gramps Pete.

It is best to sort out access (they call it contact) without resorting to the courts. You are 100% correct that keeping it civil is the way to go.

It is very expensive to pay court costs and lawyers' fees, and even if your son and/or you got a Contact Order made in his/your favour, the mother would probably be so fed up that you had taken her to court that she would not comply with the order.

My advice, as a back up, is that if you think that the mother might not allow contact ( or if you think that in future the baby may be better off in the care of someone other than the mother) you get a registered copy of the child's birth certificate. Things are more straight forward if son's name is on certificate.

You have some rights as a 'connected person' now if the child is taken into state care, but let's hope it doesn't come to that.

The main thing is that the baby is safe, well and loved of course. I know that if you were worried about that you would act.

xxxx