grandparent rights

[hedgerow pete]

ok, so over the last week, i have been up to my ears in it. big style.

so the basic's first, my seventeen year old son announced that his fifteen year old girl friend is 5 months pregnant on last thursday

the reason why was so that we could not nor could her parents terminate, now thats another discussion that i am not intrested in,


second up to prevent me beating my son senceless, ,,,,,, twice, i decided to be drunk for two days solid, as it seamed the safest for the pair of them. the last time i had vodka and port and brandy for breakfast was many many years ago, so far back in time i was single and proberly not in this country, lol


so any way now for the big question, does grand parents have any rights, vistor rights ??

i am not expecting the pair of them to stay together, i have never heard of any kids staying together much past three years and since they are both selfish and immature i dont see it lasting, but the grand child does , I am affriad the grand child might end up with a petty parent and no that does not allow me to see him.

and also what about money, since they are both at school and collage its going to be the two sets of grandparents that are going to pick up the bills, by sticking money into the kitty does this then open me up to maintanence payments or the son instead.

and lastly if no one knows does anyone know of websites to go to instead,

pete

 

[Erichalfbee]

Oh God, what a pickle!
I have a friend who has absent grandchildren and she says that http://www.grannynet.co.uk/ is a good place to start.
Grandparents have minimal rights and no legal responsibilities as far as she is aware though moves are afoot to improve contact.
Hope things sort out somehow.

 

[psafloyd]

I'm sorry to say it Pete, but what a fool. You say she is 15, but how 15 is she? He's lucky he's not a few months older or he would be on the sex offenders' register.
Still, it's technically statutory rape for what it's worth, because she is under the age of consent, though he is still a minor. If he was over 18, some sections of society would consider him a paedophile.
I don't even know why they have let it go this far. They should be sterilised as they cannot exercise any judgement. Harsh, perhaps, but there are too many unwanted, let alone unplanned pregnancies and we all end up paying for it.
Still, he's absolutely ruined his opportunities and for what? A shag? I am sure he will realise that before very long and that he's going to be paying for this stupidity for the rest of his life. Of course, the child will undoubtedly be wonderful anda blessing and it certainly isn't their fault. But nor is it your fault, Pete. Don't beat yourself up over it.
You have no responsibility as its not your problem, beyond the fact it is your son/grandchild, but I am sure we have some legal brains here who can give you a definitive answer.

 

[DarynWebb]

Pete, I know this all seems bad now but I'm sure things will sort themselves out, You just need to be as supportive as you can be, even if you feel like killing them.

 

[mbc]

Pete, I know this all seems bad now but I'm sure things will sort themselves out, You just need to be as supportive as you can be, even if you feel like killing them.

It could be the making of both parents, and I'm sure if you are intent on being helpfull and supportive HP, then as much access as you want wont be a problem.
Vodka and port for breckfast wont do you much good anyway

 

[VEG]

I'm sorry to say it Pete, but what a fool. You say she is 15, but how 15 is she? He's lucky he's not a few months older or he would be on the sex offenders' register.
Still, it's technically statutory rape for what it's worth, because she is under the age of consent, though he is still a minor. If he was over 18, some sections of society would consider him a paedophile.
I don't even know why they have let it go this far. They should be sterilised as they cannot exercise any judgement. Harsh, perhaps, but there are too many unwanted, let alone unplanned pregnancies and we all end up paying for it.
Still, he's absolutely ruined his opportunities and for what? A shag? I am sure he will realise that before very long and that he's going to be paying for this stupidity for the rest of his life. Of course, the child will undoubtedly be wonderful anda blessing and it certainly isn't their fault. But nor is it your fault, Pete. Don't beat yourself up over it.
You have no responsibility as its not your problem, beyond the fact it is your son/grandchild, but I am sure we have some legal brains here who can give you a definitive answer.

Sorry but you are out of order with an answer like that!

 

[Brosville]

Look at the positives - they haven't got themselves killed doing something stupid, they haven't got a deadly illness, they've just done exactly what so many feckless kids have done down through all of history - the three of them will need your love and support - life will punish them enough for being daft and getting themselves into a pickle anyway.
Sod the money, sod "access rights", you have something rather wonderful that's going to happen - with luck you'll be playing a part in helping the little one to grow up sane and happy - it's a bit of a shock, but you'll all get over it....... Congratulations!

 

[tkwinston4]

I know it does not answer your question and its very rare but my best mate got up the duff shortly after turning 16, the other half was 18. Now many years down the line they are still together, married and have two very well trained boys and they are both still very happy.

It does happen, just not that often.

I would have thought that for you to keep seeing the child things would have to stay very amicable. Have you spoken to her parents about it yet? If you can all agree on the best way forward and make friends with them then when the day comes when your son decides he has had enough of the responsibility, hopefully you can keep the contact going.

I expect once its born she will expect her parents to look after it and support them and they will probably have a big influence in its life.

I hope it works out in the end for you and try not to go on a bender again, its just not worth it x

 

[Headnavigator]

Sorry but you are out of order with an answer like that!

Sorry Pete, but going on a bender is no answer and has left Mrs Hedgepig with the headache of worrying herself stupid about the behaviour of TWO of the men in the family now.
Fortunately parenting ability depends more on the individual than on their age and circumstances. In the past I have worked with two smashing Dads both of whom had four kids by the age of twenty and had started out like your youngster, and made good.
Your pair will have a good start if their own parents have been good role models. Alternatively they may have a good start if their parents have been crap, because they'll have learnt from that too.
Treat them like adults, trust them to hit a real steep learning curve running and to make a responsible job of their partnership and parenting. And LEAVE THEM TO IT as far as possible, minimal interference, especially interference disguised as 'help'. Good luck to all of you, love and trust will get you further than fear and anger.
Smile, buy the idea of standing aside and letting them get on with it.

 

[hedgerow pete]

now whilst veg is at odds with psaflyod, i can see both points, personaly the hatred and there fore the anger from me is not because the one is pregnant the anger is because he was so ******** stupid to risk only one form of controception and to then rely on a 15 to take hers, its the lack of brains and the mistake of pure stupidity a £1 condom would save thousands of pounds in money and millions in stress and wasted lives, thats the anger i have as he has thrown away a life choice for the sake of a shag.

i must admit my temper is famously massivly long but completley unstoppable when started, the last time i lost it many people were extreamly hurt and that was trying to stop me, the booze was the safest way to control it as i am a happy drunk rather than angry, there fore safer for tim,

now psafloyd has brought in a point of view, and sorry veg but i totaly agree, we were under the impression they were abstaining, wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i also have strong religous ideals aswell so they dont help either with the underage sex thing, pass the booze please!

now at the moment all families are talking to each other and everyone is happy, but

my concerns are that the pregnant one does to me show less than maturity of her years and has already mentioned several questionable suggestions, (dont ask),

so what i want to know is if there are are rights to see the grandson or if its a case of when they break up thats it untill he is 16 and knocks on the door

 

[psafloyd]

Sorry but you are out of order with an answer like that!

Sorry, Veg, but how is that out of order?

Ultimately, we know Pete to be a well adjusted and responsible individual and should remember he cannot be responsible for the stupidity of others, even if they are his own progeny.

And if he didn't think we would be here to offer support, he wouldn't have posted here.

 

[VEG]

If you re-read the original post it didnt ask what you thought of his son. It asked if he as a grand parent to be had any right to see his yet to be born grandchild. You then went as far as calling his son a paedophile/rapist

Did you offer any support?

Is that not out of order?

I dont want to get into a slanging match so I will leave it at that.

 

[steve1958]

Sadly us Human beens tend to think before we act.
Our feelings often making the decisions that our minds know are not the best.

We all make millions of mistakes in our lives, some more painfull than others.

I hope when the anger, frustration, guilt, and worry has calmed down
you will all realise that a new soul is about to come into the world.

He or She did not choose how their entrance to life would be,
but they, like all of us, would survive the best if they had a Mum, a Dad and an extended family to help love and help them.

Things will calm.
Let them know you love them (even though you dont love the way they have handled life at this time).
Hopefully they will make you proud Grandad

 

[gingerbees]

They will both need your support, love, advice etc etc. As Grandparents you do have some rights, as a 15 year old the 'Mum to be' will need to be under adult supervision until she is 16 and has more of her own rights. Hopefully she has the support of her parents but if not maybe she can turn to you? If not childrens services will be involved.

There are some amazing charities and groups out there to help. I work for one in the North West. You and your son need to be a team as in 16 weeks there will be another little member of your family. Try and encourage them both to join a 'Teen Parents' group.

Don't despair, be happy for them, wish them well, they will need you. Good luck with everything.

 

[gingerbees]

forgot to say - if you chat to your local health visitor they will point you in the right direction for advice groups and Grandparents groups in your area

 

[victor meldrew]

HP,
I had a cousin who got a lass who was in service into trouble as they say !
She was 17 he was 15 ! He had to wait until after his 16th birthday to marry her.
They stayed together until the death of one of them (he) .
His daughter had a child at 17, meaning he was just 32 himself !
He started a young Grandfathers club . I don't know how successful it was
VM

 

[Adam]

Sadly, no, you have no legal rights of access as a Grandparent. So, if, sadly, things don't work out, and, as is normally the case, the child stays with the Mother you have no legal right at all to see your grandchild. In extreme cases, the mum uses the lack of access as a weapon, designed to hurt the father / his parents. It's quite successful, but unfortunately it also leaves the child without access to grandparents and that in itself harms the child as that is another relationship which helps them to grow and mature and see a different perspective.

The government are looking at grandparent access rights currently, but don't hold your breath. One thing in your favour is that all those involved are themselves still children, and so may turn to you to help out with babysitting, picking up / dropping off to nursery / school. Or (more likely) can you look after the nipper whilst they go out partying. Yes. Really. Many young mum's/dad's still want to go out and enjoy life with friends, partying and drinking and it helps a lot if there is a grandparent they can drop the nipper off with, who will look after them overnight, and the following day until the hangover has matured a little.

You can't turn back the clock on this, so all you can do is suck up the positives, ignore the worries, as they may well never happen and choose the name - what is it going to be? Pops? Grandad? Grandpa?

Congratulations.

Adam

 

[Monsieur Abeille]

If you re-read the original post it didnt ask what you thought of his son. It asked if he as a grand parent to be had any right to see his yet to be born grandchild. You then went as far as calling his son a paedophile/rapist

Did you offer any support?

Is that not out of order?

Veg - I think it is you who may need to re-read psafloyds post. He did not call Pete's unfortunate son a paedophile/rapist. He also had an attempt at answering the question.

But this is a diversion. Pete, we all feel for you, but as Bros says, look at it in a positive manner, it could be the best thing that's ever happened. Congratulations!

 

[psafloyd]

If you re-read the original post it didnt ask what you thought of his son. It asked if he as a grand parent to be had any right to see his yet to be born grandchild. You then went as far as calling his son a paedophile/rapist

Did you offer any support?

Is that not out of order?

I dont want to get into a slanging match so I will leave it at that.

Well, perhaps before you do leave it at that you might re-read my last two pars. Does that not constitute support?

Had you finished reading it before you fired off that missive, perhaps you would have seen it.

You may now draw a line under it if it makes you feel better. I've started one for you below.

_______________________________

 

[victor meldrew]

Sha'ap!!!
VM