Funny and true?

[MJBee]

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping

This letter was actually sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford :


Dear Mrs. Murray,

Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use
of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is
considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your
husband stops his antics..

Below is a list of his actions over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

8.. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the
antidepressants were.

10. November 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme.

11.November 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.

12. November 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

13. November 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'

And; last, but not least:

14. November 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'

 

[Heather]

wicked- bet he is fun to live with though

 

[hedgerow pete]

and my wife tells me off for doing less than that

 

[hedgerow pete]

some of the ones i have done are
sitting infront of a security camera doing a ventriloquist routine with my 27 year old brother

walking up to the cashier to start the weekly shopping through and asking her if she would like to open up to god

there are several rumours about me and someone else a very large packet of percil and a fountain in the hoe at plymouth
the list is endless but all unproven in acourt of law

 

[darrenperrett]

I have waited for my wife to start putting a trolley full of shopping on the conveyer belt and told her I`m just going to choose a magazine, then disappear with the money outside, and watch her through the window trying to explain why she can`t pay. (Obviously I find this a lot funnier than her)
Only downside is having to go shopping again the following evening.

 

[Hombre]

My wife and myself many years ago in Sleaford went shopping in a supermarket, having just moved into a new house on posting to a new job. With the trolley brimming with good things and all the essentials to populate a new kitchen, I rolled up at the checkout and the girl put it through the till. I got out my cheque book to pay and was told that they didn't accept cheques. (So we have gone full circle there then). I surprised myself by calmly pushing the trolley to one side and said good day.
I went over the road, literally, into a competing supermarket and asked to see the manager. I explained my predicament and recent experience. He asked if the account was a local bank and when I said yes, he said. "Absolutely no problem".
The down side of all this was that we were less generous with ourselves on this second cut at shopping and for a couple of weeks we remembered some of the things that we had put in the trolley the first time around. What, no ice cream? Death by a thousand cuts as we half remembered all those little treats, but didn't remember that we didn't actually buy them finally.

 

[Heather]

Darrenperrett - you would be dead, sleeping alone, not wanting to eat a meal I had cooked for you, had to buy a new toothbrush. And I would have eaten a whole bar of chocolate in front of you and not offered you a corner!!!

 

[darrenperrett]

It took a while but we both see the funny side now.

Darren.

 

[hedgerow pete]

its surprising how a divorce can clear the air, if i had done that to alsion all i could say is she would have made a fine looking widow there is no way i would have survived that

 

[PaleoPerson]

Hate shopping in Sainsbury's so to relieve the boredom I impersonate a steam train with the trolly. Complete with very loud whistle and lots of 'Chuff, Chuff, Chuffing' cannot go in certain isles because there are no tracks etc etc.

Met my brother-in-law in there one day which ended up with a head-on train crash and my eldest daughter (nearly 18) ended up IN a freezer display.

Wife ignores me, manager and staff ignore me, other shoppers avoid me, but I still have to go shopping.

 

[Allotment Pete]

My missus has banned me from going shopping with her, not because of any of the reasons above but just because we usually spend £10 more when i am there, getting those nice 'little treats'. Or beer and wine as some peolpe call them!!!!