Cold callers

[DulwichGnome]

A script to counter the cold caller.

If they are paying for the call the least you can do is have some fun!!

Once you realise it is a cold call,
“Oh hello, yes I was expecting you to ring” That throws some right off from the start.
Loud and away from the phone “Frank/Bob/Lily/*insert name of choose*, you were right. He/she has called”
“Yes, how can I help?” Wait for them to start to talk then loud again, “Now *name*, you know I need to listen to them talk to understand their anger/pain/commitment/*insert emotion of choose*. Sorry, he/she is a bit deaf, do carry on.”
Allow them to talk.
“Well it’s not allows easy over the phone but I would say this was not you first choose of work, is it? What would you rather be doing?”
If they answer with a job (1) or that this is their job of choose, shout “*Name*!! You were right” Back to normal voice “He/she’s such a clever cat/dog/cow/*insert animal of choose*!”
If they carry on trying to sell, “I see, well I’ll get you a talk to *name* as he/she looks after all my finances. I’ll just go and make a cup of tea, would you like one?”
Place the phone on the table and make that cup of tea, they are normally gone by the time you get back.

(1) Beware if they come back with actor, they like this kind of thing!!

Print this out and have it ready by the phone.

 

[BKF Admin]

I always ask them if they know how to get Goats blood out of my carpet.

They always hang up pronto.

 

[hedgerow pete]

my favorit is to start asking them if they have ever thought about turning to god and then i act like a new christian

 

[David P]

even more fun can be had by inviting the Jehovahs witnesses that call to come on in and have a chat (throws em completely)

 

[ribblesbees]

On a similar vein (I didn't see the point of starting a new thread), my favourite course of action if I'm stopped in the street by someone trying to sell me something, especially if it could mean a home visit. All I do is be more than willing for them to come and visit but, as I'm a prisoner out on day release, they will need to write to the Governor for permission to visit me. That usually shuts them up quicker than anything and they backtrack like there's no tomorrow.

 

[steveselvage]

I have one i use for double glazing calls.
First let them introduce themselves and then tell them you are so glad they called as you have been trying to get a large conservatory built,ask questions about price,delivery times and what is the biggest they make as you have just inherited a few quid.
After stringing them along for a while ask them what height are the legs,they will ask what legs? reply the legs that hold the conservatory up, they will say they dont have legs and then is the time to tell them you live on the seventh floor.
I find it amusing anyway