Why an MOT is crucial for stress-free Apiary visits.
In no particular order of stress factor
1. Went to out-Apiary to specifically perform SS on two colonies.
2. Spent ages assembling the entire complement of new/sterilized kit. The full caboodle (minus the key items I subsequently forgot.
3. My Bee-mobile (a veritable junkshop of allotment/gardening/strimming/beekeeping) is out of action. Appropriated Mrs Bloggs
baby (an Astra) which ranks slightly below daughter and the cats in our household (see now where this is heading can't you?)
4. Failed to see significance of implied menace/threat in "" you are doing
what with my car..." to the extent I forgot to take the plastic drip trays - the main selling point of which is that they are supposed to avoid the potential for domestic arguments?
5. Continued to discover items on "forgotten" list. No plastic bucket for washing anything? No receptacle for comb especially loads of fresh natural comb filled with fresh runny honey. No clean rags. Managed to remembered huge bag of smoker material and smoker - but not one of the 10 lighters I own (me a non-smoker!) and not one single match? Proceed with no smoker.
6. Hive 1 - no evidence of Q. Change of plan which was sole reason for attending.
7. SS on Hive 2. All going swell considering. Nearly finishing and self congrats on job well done. Steps back and wonder why loads of bees under Thxxxes budget OMF. Realise that I have put the floor in upside down.
8. Invent one/two new derogatory terms for self whilst taking it all apart and reassemble. Surprisingly bees not happy and me with no smoker
Take sting to neck through suit (Mrs Bloggs later likens me to "Oddjob" aka the top-hat chucker of James Bond fame with no neck ).
9. Get mobile call 30 seconds after sting. Answer (as well as one can through a sherrif suit) with preemptive Basil Fawlty rant ie " Yes.... I have not forgotten I am getting potatoes on way home...." Mrs Bloggs does her trademark silence such that you don't know if its an actual "silence " or if the call has cut off?
"Speak then......!! " I really rant at phone through veil ? A chappies stammering response suggests that it is not Mrs Bloggs after all. It is in fact a client prospectively offering me work!!
Prospective in that he misses the opportunity to phone back later as he stated he would "as I appeared a little busy" . Some you lose?
9B. Talking of losing, all three of the plastic drop in feeder trays I lovingly washed have hair line cracks making them useless. Note to self to check if this is a design thing as they seem
very flimsy and maybe do not like being stacked.
9C. Switch to frame feeder which I have not used before (told you I bought the full caboodle ?) and have specifically cut an "anti-drowning" wood insert. Only I cut it too perfect and it subsequently jams AFTER I fill the thing with syrup. Nowhere in the two tool bags I have brimming with fit-for-purpose tools is anything suitable for freeing a jammed thingy in a feeder. In my bee-mobile I have at least 20 brand new coat hangers rescued from recycle point on the usual basis "they would come in handy one day?"
10. Get text 5 minutes later reminding me about the potatoes. Suspect it might not be the client this time. Can't see display on phone as it is covered with sticky goo (no hand washing see !)
11. Realise that the potatoes are constituents of the our roast Dinner I deduce that I am well late. I abandon usual structured withdrawal and chuck it all in Astra, and as a smaller space than my car, "ram" would be a more accurate verb . Oh how I love/miss my beemobile. I promise never to call it derogatory names ever again.
12. Race down lane from apiary. Realise I have left rear parcel shelf in bushes.
13. Lane is dog walkers paradise so normally I check thoroughly for "****y traps" Guess what? Having changed into my best shoes (suitable for Salisbury shopping) I tread in the only lump of pooch doo-doo in east surrey. But it is a wacker! Thank the heavens for Halxxxds car mats and rapidly dispose of this one. Feel guilty considering it has just saved my life.
14. Can do babies nappies but not that stuff without face mask
so parade around supermarket in White bee Wellies. Get admiring glances? Those are
admiring aren't they?
15. Serious late now and manage to get stuck in traffic behind the captain of the England Self abuse team who obviously knows where I live and drives the entire journey at 15 mph with me praying that at any moment he will turn off? He is actually visiting one of my neighbours. Start to get paranoia pangs now?
So having spent a relaxing afternoon "playing" with Bees, I return home to check the date/strength on my stress pills and rip the top off a beer with my teeth.
Not for the first time I ask myself
Why do I do this
hobby ?
Probably the same reason I used to spend three days fishing, catch sweet FA - but still look forward to going again?
Lesson learned? Do not tempt fate again. Get the Bee-mobile MOt'd first.
FB
Apologies for the chatterbox spiel but that has proved cathartic!!
