Just for some fun.... an excuse to smile.

[Antipodes]

“Jim said that bees won't sting idiots, but I didn't believe that, because I tried them lots of times myself and they wouldn't sting me.”​

― Mark Twain, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

 

[mbc]

"I don't give a **** who's father you are, get those bloody reindeer off my roof"

 

[Garry R]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-67864128
I knew Chelmsford wasn't a real place. According to the council signs it seems there's no "f" in Chelmsford !!!

 

[jenkinsbrynmair]

 

[Newbeeneil]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-67864128
I knew Chelmsford wasn't a real place. According to the council signs it seems there's no "f" in Chelmsford !!!

I was in charge of signage for the resident engineer on the Heathrow Airport section of M25 when it was being built. We had 2 enormous plank signs that fit on the gantries across the motorway that had “Heathow” and Datrford on them. Quite an expense for the sign manufacturers to get them craned off again!

 

[jenkinsbrynmair]

 

[jenkinsbrynmair]

 

[jenkinsbrynmair]

 

[JamezF]

View attachment 38586

And we're back to Monty Python...

"There's three things we can do with your mother, sir. We can burn her, bury her, or eat her."

James

 

[The Poot]

Stumbled across this today….

 

[mbc]

I accidentally slid into the back of another car this morning and an irate midget got out and said "I'm not happy"
To which I replied "which one are you then?"

 

[Garry R]

Two weeks ago and at long last I have got a face to face appointment with my doctor - on February 12th!! When I told my brother his response was "Well that will give you plenty of time to sell it on ebay and whatever you get for it you'll be able to go privately"!

 

[Murox]

Stumbled across this today….View attachment 38640

Brilliant.

 

[jenkinsbrynmair]

 

[mbc]

Why did the trans guy eat salad?

Because he was a herbefore

 

[mbc]

David Attenborough while walking in a park came across a really sorry looking duck, covered in slimy mud and mess, so he carefully picked it up and wiped it nice and clean with paper hankies before popping it back in the lake where it happily paddled off. A little strole further on and he finds another bedraggled duck in a similar condition, so he again carefully cleaned it up with the last of his hankies before plopping the cleaned up duck to paddle off.
Another hundred yards or so he comes across another messy duck, but being out of hankies he approaches a group of lads and asks them if they've got any paper towels, to which they replied, " if ya need to wipe ya'r arse mate just use a duck, its what we do "

 

[mbc]

What’s the difference between a chick pea and a broad bean?

I’ve never had a broad bean on my face

 

[Goran]

Three oldie fake advertisements I used to hear some 30 years ago:
- Grandma's cookie soft as Grandpa's
- advertisement for funeral company: It is your's to die, the rest is our worry..
- advertisement for mobile butcher: I slaughter at your adress..

 

[The Poot]

 

[jenkinsbrynmair]