bee/beekeeping jokes

[hallshoney]

Q What bees do you get milk from ? A Boo Bee's

 

[td4bees]

Did ya know...Years ago, scientists tried to create a bee that would fly farther and gather more honey. They crossed a bee with a horsefly. They got a larger bee that could fly for 10 miles and gather twice as much nectar during each foraging trip. Only problem? All the honey tasted like horse pee.

Sorry.

this joke sounds a bit far fetched to me

 

[GaryB]

A new young keeper starts work at the zoo and is given three jobs.

First he has to clean out the tropical fish tank. As he does this, a piranha jumps out and bites him. In a panic, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer will be cross with him, he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, because lions eat anything.

On his second job, cleaning out the primate house, he is attacked by two aggressive chimpanzees, who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes wildly at the two chimps with his spade, killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, of course, because lions eat anything.

Finally he has to check the zoo beehive. As soon as he starts, he is attacked by an angry swarm. As he runs he grabs the spade again and smashes many of them to a pulp. He throws them into the lion enclosure, because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to an old lion and asks, "What's the food like here?"
The old lion replies: "It was absolutely brilliant today. We had fish and chimps with mushy bees."

Excellent...

 

[Fusion_power]

What do you call a bee that dabbles in the dark arts?

beewitch

 

[hallshoney]

I went to my local pet shop earlier and asked for a bee, the lady behind the counter said we don't sell bees here. I replied well you had one in the window yesterday.

 

[For want of a better word]

Did ya know...Years ago, scientists tried to create a bee that would fly farther and gather more honey. They crossed a bee with a horsefly. They got a larger bee that could fly for 10 miles and gather twice as much nectar during each foraging trip. Only problem? All the honey tasted like horse pee.

Sorry.

So that was how!



Nadelik lowen!!

 

[MartinL]

Well we've all been there, someone you've just met finds out you keep bees.
Their first Question is; so, do you have all the kit and the white suit?

My reply is usually

no, I do it in my budgie-smugglers & flip-flops!

 

[Into the lions den]

True story...

My bank manager at the time was interested to see what I did so I took him out to the bees one afternoon. He did ask a lot of smart questions and was very interested...

But then he asked 'Do they all have names?'

Of course I told him that Yes,,,they did.

Later I went on to explain that if he listened carefully he could hear my staff calling them by name from time to time, especially at moments of 'stress'. Also that they ALL had the same name.

'What is it?' he asked.

'Little BAS*ARD!' of course!

 

[Into the lions den]

Several years ago one of my teams consisted of myself, my youngest brother as my assistant and my daughters recently acquired boyfriend as the gopher.

Another episode triggered by a stress event.....................

Brother says to the gopher...'Bring me a super, excluder and a new flight board, YOU NASTY WEE SH*TE!'

Gopher feels somewhat ruffled by this form of address..............but no prizes for guessing at what exact point in the conversation my brother was stung under the fingernail......


I have loads of similar anecdotes.........................the 'little b*****d' one I even told while talking in Sweden last year............they seemed to enjoy it......

 

[beeno]

I get to tell this joke a lot when someone gets to know that I am a beekeeper and enjoy it as much each time.
Q: Do you make honey?
A: No my bees do.

 

[Michael Palmer]

When the old timer from Devon was asked if Varroa would be a problem in his apiary, he thought for a minute, scratched his chin a couple times, and said,

Might, might not.

 

[viridens]

Some years ago an eminent entomologist authority on wasps was walking past a record shop when an album in the window caught his attention: "The natural sounds of wasps and their relations". So he walked in and asked to listen to the wasps disc. The shop assistant put the LP on the turntable and handed him some headphones. Our expert listened intently for a while before tossing back the headphones saying "I know about wasps, and I didn't hear any on that record. What's going on?". The assistant looked at the LP label and replied "Oh sorry... You were listening to the B side."

 

[Ammerbee]

Why did the bee go to the dermatologist? It had hives.

 

[meetballuk]

why do beekeepers have such beautiful eyes?

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee holder

 

[idg]

Two cannibals were eating a clown. One said to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"

Ok, so technically not a bee joke.... What about "Does this taste funny to you Honey?"

 

[Ammerbee]

Two beekeepers had just met.
“How many bees do you have?” asked the first.
“12 million,” said the second.
“Wow, that’s a lot of bees. How many hives do you keep them in?”
“One.”
“Seriously?? You can’t keep 12 million bees in just one hive!!!”
“Sure,” said the second. “What do I care, they’re just bees, let them worry about it.”

 

[Ammerbee]

What is a swarm of really small queen bees called? The royal wee.

 

[Ammerbee]

What do unionized bees ask for? More honey and shorter working flowers

 

[Bee Bumble]

2 professional beekeepers went to lunch at Mcdonald's. While they were in line they started talking about what they needed to do with their Russian nucs. Everyone else in line stopped talking and stared at them.

(Stolen from elsewhere).

 

[Ammerbee]

old beekeeper

A young man showed up to work for the old beekeeper. First day on the job. The beekeeper says, “Paint all those bee hives.” The young man looks at all that work and says, “You don’t seem to realize – I have a College Education.” The old beekeeper thinks for a minute and says, “I’m sorry. I’ll show you how to hold the paint brush.”