bee/beekeeping jokes

[mbc]

How many bees does it take to screw in a light bulb?






20 odd drones and a virgin queen but god knows how they got in there

 

[Ammerbee]

Stressed beekeeper

A beekeeper was very stressed out. He and his wife went to see the doctor. The doctor examined the beekeeper for some time and then asked to see the man’s wife, alone. “Listen,” says the doctor, “Your husband is way over-worked. He worries about everything too much. If some big changes aren’t made, he will be dead in less than six months.” The wife wanted to know what she should do and the doctor replied, “Well, I know you’ve got a great career, but you’ll have to quit your job, stay home with the kids, bake lots of bread and cook lots of vegetables, keep the house spotless, and give the man a big hug around the neck every time you see him…” On the way home, the beekeeper asked his wife what the doctor had talked to her about. The wife looked at her husband and said, “I’m sorry dear, but you’re not going to make it.”

 

[mbc]

"Try not to get stung, it can be unpleasantly like being drunk"

"What's unpleasant about being drunk?"

"Ask a glass of water"

 

[Ammerbee]

A traveler wandering on an island inhabited by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialized in human brains sorted out according to source. The sign in the shop read:
Artists’ Brains $9/lb
Philosophers’ Brains $12/lb
Scientists’ Brains $15/lb
Beekeepers’ Brains $100/lb
Upon reading the sign, the traveler noted, “My, those beekeepers’ brains are expensive – they must be very powerful!” The butcher replied, “Not really. They’re expensive because it takes so many beekeepers to get one pound of brains!!”

 

[Ammerbee]

A beekeeper walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza.
When the pizza is done, he goes up to the counter get it. There a server asks him: “Should I cut it into six pieces or eight pieces?”
The beekeeper replies: “I’m feeling really hungry right now. You’d better cut it into eight pieces.”