The old lady next door made me laugh

[Nige.Coll]

I gave a jar of honey to the old lady next door .
She was surprised that I kept bees and asked me if I had any at home.
Yes I replied I have a hive in the back yard.
Well she said no wonder I haven't seen any bees in my garden you have them all in a box. You should let them out more often.
Strange but true lol

 

[bontbee]

Just brilliant!

 

[Bosleeu]

Somebody came over for a BBQ and was amazed to see my bees could fly about as they please. She thought the hive would be kept in some sort of bee proof enclosure and I would put some flowers into it for them to make honey from! Same person asked me if the chicks were under the hen because they were suckling from her. Needless to say she is reminded of this at every opportunity.

 

[pargyle]

I was telling a colleague at work about a swarm of bees that alighted in my neighbour's garden and she asked 'Where did they come from ?' I told her that I didn't know but they weren't mine ...'How did you know ?' she asked 'I whistled them and they didn't come' was my instant reply ... as four of my other colleagues collapsed in hysteria she looked up and said so seriously ... 'They are so clever these bees ...' and then caught up with the rest of us.

Every time someone mentions bees in the office there's a cry of 'Give us a whistle Phil'.

 

[user 6228]

I was telling a colleague at work about a swarm of bees that alighted in my neighbour's garden and she asked 'Where did they come from ?' I told her that I didn't know but they weren't mine ...'How did you know ?' she asked 'I whistled them and they didn't come' was my instant reply ... as four of my other colleagues collapsed in hysteria she looked up and said so seriously ... 'They are so clever these bees ...' and then caught up with the rest of us.

Every time someone mentions bees in the office there's a cry of 'Give us a whistle Phil'.

reading the bee scientific papers I always check the date of submission.

• Able to distinguish human faces
• distinguish a picasso from a monet
• detect semtex and heroin
• able to tell where the sun is in the sky even at night
• exploding naughty bits!
• voting for the best home?

surely some of these tall tales must be April 1st

 

[pargyle]

This is getting to be a very good thread .... There must be more ...

 

[victor meldrew]

Failing to thrive if exchanged for money!
VM


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[Anduril]

Years ago I was asked. When the bees die, do they get up and fly back to the hive.

 

[enrico]

Quote, you make the best honey in the area, you should teach the other people who sell honey how to do it properly!
E

 

[REDWOOD]

"I thought butchers made meat" said a young person looking across a field. What are we teaching our kids in schools these days !

 

[victor meldrew]

Well old ladies knit cereal squares so why not?
VM


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[wilderness]

on one of those bad driving programmes that have been on recently, a husband asked his wife why she kept loosing hub caps and scuffing the wheel rims. The reply was " I blame the council for putting the kerbstones too far into the road"

I gave a talk at an environment day at a local business and was asked "how much sugar do you add to your honey to make it so sweet?"

 

[Dishmop]

One of the best things I watched was an elderly couple and a teenager (probably grandson) arriving on a campsite.
Parked the caravan in the designated place.
Got the jack leg winder out of the locker.
Wound all the legs down.

Wound the jockey wheel down...

and then proceeded to try and unhook the caravan from the car towball.

They even tried pushing down on the back of the car.

I pretended I hadnt seen them........whilst thoroughly enjoying the rest of the bottle..

 

[Dusty Rhodes]

On the other hand, way back in the depths of the last century, when I was 16, my brother 12, we were taken for a six week camping tour of Europe. The first night, in Belgium, we'd just sorted the camper van, when a middle-aged yank and wife came over and said to us, "Do you lads know anything about tents? This is our first night and we don't know how to put it up".

Being good scouts, we had them sorted in a jiffy.

Six weeks later, returning through France one evening, we heard a familiar voice saying to the lads in a tent nearby, "Do you lads know anything about camping...........?".

Dusty.

 

[Norton]

I parked my bee truck in the Lidl carpark. On returning to the car I found another car had rammed into and got stuck under mine. I asked the driver WTF and he asked me why I parked my car there? Go figure.

 

[Bob D.]

"I thought butchers made meat" said a young person looking across a field. What are we teaching our kids in schools these days !

I do remember the delight on our nieces face when visiting our garden one day. She finally made the connection between our apple trees and those things wrapped in plastic at the super market. Had to pluck one from the tree and eat it in front of her before she cottoned on though.

 

[REDWOOD]

And fish fingers come from......... nop fish don't have fingers

 

[thenovice]

I parked my bee truck in the Lidl carpark. On returning to the car I found another car had rammed into and got stuck under mine. I asked the driver WTF and he asked me why I parked my car there? Go figure.

I am still of the opinion you should not have parked there!

 

[Norton]

I am still of the opinion you should not have parked there!

Yes I know.......you were viewing the problem from another aspect. WE soon changed your mind about that though didn't we.