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Just for some fun.... an excuse to smile.
- Thread starter Michael ECB's
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One oldie I remembered recently:
News reporter came to one village to make some documentary about a day in life of a farmer.
They started filming and news reporter ask a farmer: " Please, tell us how looks like one working day on a farm?"
Farmer started to talk: " First thing when I get up, I drink one schnapps and feed the livestock. After that I drink another one schnapps, wife makes breakfast and after it I drink one schnapps again..."
Reporter interrupted a farmer: " Stop! Stop! This show will watch teenagers and little kids also, You cannot say that You drink schnapps!"
Farmer: " Well, what should I say?"
Reporter: " Well, for example - when I get up in the morning, first I read one book..."
Farmer says: " Ok. First thing when I get up, I read one book and feed the livestock. After that I read another one book, wife makes breakfast and after it I read one book again... Then I go in the fields with my godfather, and he brings in his bag books. Till the lunch time we read each few books. During the afternoon usually we read all the books he brought, so we return to the village into village library. There we read the books till the end of working hour of the library. Then librarian Mary throw us out and we go to my brother in law. He has in his cellar printing shop and we read till we drop.."
News reporter came to one village to make some documentary about a day in life of a farmer.
They started filming and news reporter ask a farmer: " Please, tell us how looks like one working day on a farm?"
Farmer started to talk: " First thing when I get up, I drink one schnapps and feed the livestock. After that I drink another one schnapps, wife makes breakfast and after it I drink one schnapps again..."
Reporter interrupted a farmer: " Stop! Stop! This show will watch teenagers and little kids also, You cannot say that You drink schnapps!"
Farmer: " Well, what should I say?"
Reporter: " Well, for example - when I get up in the morning, first I read one book..."
Farmer says: " Ok. First thing when I get up, I read one book and feed the livestock. After that I read another one book, wife makes breakfast and after it I read one book again... Then I go in the fields with my godfather, and he brings in his bag books. Till the lunch time we read each few books. During the afternoon usually we read all the books he brought, so we return to the village into village library. There we read the books till the end of working hour of the library. Then librarian Mary throw us out and we go to my brother in law. He has in his cellar printing shop and we read till we drop.."
rossbyjove
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what a great painting.
The cover of the Storch book
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- Joined
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The females of the species: how is that even a thing?!
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Is this what they call a meme.
Colinkemp
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Should go with London Bridge!
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Heard today, not so bad: husband awaits wife in front of beauty saloon. When she came out, he said to her: " At least, You tried"..
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Forgot, also heard:
Wife started to complain to husband he is drinking too much.. Husband answered that she is doing makeup all day.. Wife answered: " I am doing it to be prettier for You". Husband answered: " The exact same - that is why I am drinking."
Drunk man bumped into one extremely ugly lady in a bar and said to her: " Lady You are sooo uuugly..". She answered: " And You are sooo drunk". He answered to her: " Tomorrow I will sober up."
Wife started to complain to husband he is drinking too much.. Husband answered that she is doing makeup all day.. Wife answered: " I am doing it to be prettier for You". Husband answered: " The exact same - that is why I am drinking."
Drunk man bumped into one extremely ugly lady in a bar and said to her: " Lady You are sooo uuugly..". She answered: " And You are sooo drunk". He answered to her: " Tomorrow I will sober up."
Be careful Icharus!
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This is similar to a line that is attributed to Winston Churchill. The lady in question was (I think) the MP Bessie Braddock. It allegedly went something along the lines of:
Bessie Braddock: Winston, you are drunk, and what’s more you are disgustingly drunk.
Winston Churchill: Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly.
I think Churchill might have pinched the form from earlier similar quotes however.
Another that's dubiously attributed to him is with Lady Nancy Astor:
Lady Astor: If I were your wife I would put poison in your tea.
Winston Churchill: Madam, if I were your husband I would drink it.
Churchill allegedly didn't always get the upper hand with Lady Astor however. In response to having a woman in parliament (I believe Nancy Astor was the first female MP?) Churchill told her that it was like having a woman intrude on him in the bathroom, to which she responded "You're not handsome enough to have such fears."
James
