Who's Your Daddy?

[Frisbee]

Who's Your Daddy?


The following are all replies that women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing "father's details". Or

Putting it another way... Who's Your Daddy? These are genuine excerpts from the forms.


1. Regarding, the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.


2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.


3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 36 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.


4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.


5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.


6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.


7. I do not know who the father of my child was as they look the same in the dark to me.


8. Peter Smith Is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time ... Well, I don't have clue.


9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is "The Magic Kingdom".


10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive , mine might have remained unfertilized.


11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.
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[Frisbee]

Badly written council complaints

1) My bush is really overgrown round the front, and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2) He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house, and I just can't take it anymore.

3) It is the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.

4) I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5) I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6) And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7) I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8 ) My lavatory seat is cracked; where do I stand?

9) I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10) Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

11) I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

12) 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.

13) I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14) The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

15) Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny colour & not fit to drink.

16) I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6 am his cock wakes me up, and its now getting too much for me.

17) The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

18 ) Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

19) I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

20) Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

 

[Polyanwood]

LOL! Still laughing about the glitter facecloth story.... and you still keep them coming.

 

[Widdershins]