bee/beekeeping jokes

[Ammerbee]

What is the last thing to go through a bee’s mind when it hits a windshield? Its stinger.

 

[jenkinsbrynmair]

bbka

 

[Cussword]

bbka

. Oh yes.

 

[Michael Palmer]

Did ya know...Years ago, scientists tried to create a bee that would fly farther and gather more honey. They crossed a bee with a horsefly. They got a larger bee that could fly for 10 miles and gather twice as much nectar during each foraging trip. Only problem? All the honey tasted like horse pee.

Sorry.

 

[Finman]

.
There was a missionary in a African village. It was a cannibal tribe.
He was going to teach that it is not nice to eate other people.

It took 2 years when he succeed to get through that habit.
He left then the village.

I took many years when he returned to the village to see, how are they doing.
Suddenly he noticed that he is in a vast cauldron.

- Hey! What is this now?

- We have traditional food weeks.
.

 

[Fusion_power]

Old beekeepers never die, they just get a new poly hive.

Did you hear about the bee that wanted her news to get to the top? She flew up the chain of command straight to the queen.

How much honey can finman make in a good year? None, his bees do all the work collecting nectar and turning it into honey.

Did you hear about the bee that got caught out in a thunderstorm? Its hair got all mussed so now it is a frizz-bee.

What flies through the air and goes zzub zzub? A bee flying backward!

Did you hear about the stubborn bee that flew in circles while foraging? She said "the sun is round and if it is good enough for the sun, it is good enough for me!". Yes, I know it makes no sense, women never do.

There was a beekeeper named Paul,
Whose hive suffered a fall,
When Paul tried to set it in order,
The bees gave Paul a pointed rejoinder.

 

[REDWOOD]

Q: Why did the bee get married?
A: Because he found his honey

 

[REDWOOD]

Q: What is a bees favourite sport?
A: Rug-Bee.

 

[Finman]

How much honey can finman make in a good year? None, his bees do all the work collecting nectar and turning it into honey.

.

That is why have those Airforces and I am a 6 star air force marshal.

One guy said to me, that do not tell to American beeks. They will tell at once that they are 7 star marshal,

.

 

[viridens]

Famous bee quotes
To bee or not to bee - W. Shakespeare
To do is to bee - F. Nietzsche
To bee is to do - J-P Sartre
Do bee do bee do - F. Sinatra

and
Where did Noah keep his bees?
In archives.

and
Neighbour: Hey! One of your bees stung me. What are you going to do about it?
Beekeeper: Sorry. Just tell me which one did it, and I'll punish her.

 

[Ammerbee]

Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs

 

[Into the lions den]

Some time a go a motorist was driving along a country road without a care in the world. It was a pleasant summers day, the birds were singing and the bees were buzzing.

At some point, on a country lane a long way from anywhere of significance his car started to stutter and eventually ground to a halt. In his enjoyment of the day he had failed to notice he was low on fuel, and sure enough, he was out of petrol. The nearest filling station was many miles away, and in such a rural location there was no reliable mobile phone signal, so he faced a very long walk indeed to the nearest town to get fuel and bring it back to his stricken car.

He was upset at himself and got on with locking up the car whilst uttering a string of self targeted expletives (like 'tut' and 'bother' ???).

Just a this point he heard a loud and increasing buzzing sound, and before long the air was full of bees zipping around.....he was broken down right in the path of a swarm which was passing by.

Bees started to land on his car and one bee in particular came to the notice of the driver, it was the queen. He could see the bees were puzzled when all of a sudden he heard a quiet voice asking him what was wrong?. It was the queen herself making the sound. The driver was very perplexed at this and began to wonder if he had been out in the sun too long, but sure enough the queen repeated her question. So in his puzzlement he replied that he had run out of petrol.

The queen paused for a moment and said, just wait here, I will think about this and see if I can help. The swarm took to the air again and landed on a nearby bush.

Very quickly the queen alone returned to the car and said that they had decided to help him and to just stand back. She took to the air and soon the swarm on the bush all took to the air. The queen alighted by the filling cap which was open from earlier, started fanning and piping, and the swarm arrived and piled into the fuel tank on the car.

Some time later the bees all emerged from the tank and took to the air again, and the queen said to the driver to try to start his car. He did and after a couple of splutters his engine sprang to life. He was amazed and immediately got out and asked the queen what on earth she had done? Look in the tank? the queen said. So the driver looked in the filling hole and turned to the queen and Aha!!!!! That's great! BP!!!!!

 

[REDWOOD]

 

[Webby]

It has to be said, bee jokes are pretty bad!

 

[Millet]

What is the last thing to go through a bee’s mind when it hits a windshield? Its stinger.

Are you Americanized , it is a Windscreen. not a Yanky Windshield.

 

[charlievictorbravo]

Are you Americanized , it is a Windscreen. not a Yanky Windshield.

Oh! I must be bilingual. Too many American television programmes (or if they're American, they would be programs)

CVB

 

[viridens]

A new young keeper starts work at the zoo and is given three jobs.

First he has to clean out the tropical fish tank. As he does this, a piranha jumps out and bites him. In a panic, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer will be cross with him, he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, because lions eat anything.

On his second job, cleaning out the primate house, he is attacked by two aggressive chimpanzees, who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes wildly at the two chimps with his spade, killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, of course, because lions eat anything.

Finally he has to check the zoo beehive. As soon as he starts, he is attacked by an angry swarm. As he runs he grabs the spade again and smashes many of them to a pulp. He throws them into the lion enclosure, because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to an old lion and asks, "What's the food like here?"
The old lion replies: "It was absolutely brilliant today. We had fish and chimps with mushy bees."

 

[alldigging]

It has to be said, bee jokes are pretty bad!

Some of the people here just drone on a little.

 

[Ammerbee]

What do you call a bee that eats too much? Chubb-bee.

 

[Millet]

What do you call a bee that eats too much? Chubb-bee.

Pleeeeeeeeeease let it Bee.