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kennycreed 

New Bee
Joined
Jun 27, 2009
Messages
45
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Location
island of lewis
Hive Type
national
Number of Hives
8?
DRILL PRESS:

A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:

Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, sh!t!"

SKILL SAW:

A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short..

PLIERS:

Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:

An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW:

One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:

Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:

Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

TABLE SAW:

A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:

Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW:

A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:

A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:

Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but, can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:

A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:

A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:

A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:

Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE:

Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while you are wearing them.

Son of a bee otch TOOL:

Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "Son of a bee otch" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
 

PaleoPerson 

Field Bee
Joined
Jul 18, 2009
Messages
705
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Location
Essex
Hive Type
14x12
POWER DRIVER:

Device for reaming out the heads of screws to make them tamperproof whether you want them that way or not.
 

MJBee 

Drone Bee
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
1,813
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1
Location
Dordogne 24360 France
Hive Type
commercial
Number of Hives
16 a mix of Commercial, National, 14 x 12, Dadant and a Warre
Sooo True - including PP's add on:rofl:
 

Mike a 

Drone Bee
Joined
Feb 13, 2010
Messages
1,785
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1
Location
Hampshire
Hive Type
langstroth
Number of Hives
Between 17-20
Router: I guess it can be added under the section of a table saw but I believe it was primarily designed to deafen you and scare every living thing within a mile radius.
 

RoofTops 

Queen Bee
BeeKeeping Supporter
Joined
Jun 20, 2009
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1
Location
Kingsbridge, South Devon
Hive Type
none
Number of Hives
0 - Now in beeless retirement!
Chain Saw - expensive tool for amputating limbs.
Axe - cheap tool for amputating limbs
 

Russel 

Field Bee
Joined
Jul 18, 2010
Messages
959
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Location
Panteg, Gwent
Hive Type
national
Number of Hives
7 + 3 nuc
Electric planer usefull for the triming of fingernails/tips.

Lathes best left alone.
 

Queens59 

Queen Bee
BeeKeeping Supporter
Joined
Jun 8, 2010
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2,373
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Location
Dartmoor edge, uk
Hive Type
national
Number of Hives
5...2 wooden National, 2 poly Nat & 1 poly nuc...bursting at the seams
Large box of plasters...:)
 

RoofTops 

Queen Bee
BeeKeeping Supporter
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Location
Kingsbridge, South Devon
Hive Type
none
Number of Hives
0 - Now in beeless retirement!
Protective Glasses - device for gathering dust in the workshop.
 

Russel 

Field Bee
Joined
Jul 18, 2010
Messages
959
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Location
Panteg, Gwent
Hive Type
national
Number of Hives
7 + 3 nuc
Duskmask - for misting up glasses when using any of the above.
 

davethegas 

House Bee
Joined
Apr 22, 2010
Messages
178
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Location
Shrops
Hive Type
none
CORE DRILL Device for cutting a perfectly neat core of stone. Also useful for either converting your arms into a fascinating barley twist design or trying to spin your body like a catherine wheel while holding its own core cutter perfectly still....miraculous.
 

davethegas 

House Bee
Joined
Apr 22, 2010
Messages
178
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Location
Shrops
Hive Type
none
BALL PANE HAMMER A useful hammer for many jobs, however care needs to ensue if it is swung carelessly downward from overhead, because if the target is missed, then one can see where said object might get its name.
 

davethegas 

House Bee
Joined
Apr 22, 2010
Messages
178
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0
Location
Shrops
Hive Type
none
BLOW LAMP Used to solder copper pipes etc, but also has a tendency when knocked over to roll across the floor, STILL LIT, and with an inbuilt self guidance system, to disappear under the nearest raised floorboard and roll out of reach, inducing panic, hysteria & the phrase "Oh blow."
 

Somerford 

Drone Bee
***
Joined
Aug 24, 2009
Messages
1,788
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229
Location
Wiltshire, Somerset, S Glos & S Oxfordshire
Hive Type
national
HIVE TOOL - yellow multi angles piece of metal, in varing sizes that fits nicely into hands, but has a habit of either being lost the moment you put the fecking thing down or being left on top of the last hive you closed up in the last apiary you went to 10 miles away.....

SMOKER - Metal cylindrical device with a snout and bellows designed to calm bees...but actually a device operated by a miniature devil that works the exact opposite to that that is required...more puffs, less smoke, put it down, smokes like the towering inferno, puff smoke over frames, nothing happens, more forceful action on the bellows results in jets of flame akin to a blow torch annihalating everything in sight....and then the bast*rd thing burns your hands as you insert a new cartrige...
 

Poly Hive 

Queen Bee
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
13,826
Reaction score
155
Location
Scottish Borders
Hive Type
national
Number of Hives
12 and 18 Nucs
never...................................ever experienced that... LOl

PH
 

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