One for the ladies.

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davethegas 

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Joe's wife is on her deathbed. She says" Joe, there is something for you in the drawer under the bed." He opens the drawer and there is 3 eggs and a wad of cash. Joe asks about the eggs. His wife says" Each time we had crap sex, I put an egg in the drawer as a reminder." Joe thinks "Blimey, 35 years and crap sex only 3 times, that ain't bad." Then asks about the wad of cash. "Well Joe" she says, "I collected so many eggs, I had to box & sell them, thats how much i've made so far."
 

davethegas 

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Might have been married to an egg farmer, might have been chocolate eggs, who knows? I was only half listening, she might have worked in prosthetics & it was legs not eggs. Lol. Dtg.
 

Black Comb 

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Another deathbed one :-

Jake was dying.

His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to' his wife replied...

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied '......... now just rest and let the poison work.'
 

davethegas 

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Rastas & Liza have been trying for a baby for years but no success. Liza tells Rastas to go to the doctors to get checked out. She meets Rastas walking back up the street after seeing the doctor. He is wearing a pinstriped suit, gold fobwatch, bowler hat & cane. She says "Rastas, why's you dressed like dat?" He replies "Liza, de doctor say a'hm impotant.... so a'hm sho' gonna dress impo'tant"
 

madasafish 

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A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity.

He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence, passed between the two men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Get in line."
 
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