Britain deciding which souvenir to hurl at Brown

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New Bee
Nov 2, 2009
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BRITAIN was last night pondering which model of a famous building it would throw at Gordon Brown's head.
Families across the country became embroiled in heated arguments over the best historical souvenir for knocking the prime minster's teeth out, as experts stressed that if you wanted to leave Mr Brown with stitches you should really use a tiny cathedral.

Roy Hobbs, from Doncaster, said: "We were in Stratford back in June and I picked up this lovely, detailed model of Anne Hathaway's cottage. It's got three little chimney stacks and it's good and heavy."

But his wife Jill insisted: "Anne Hathaway's cottage is bullshit. You want something with lots of spikes and knobbly bits. What about York Minster sellotaped to a brick?"

Tom Logan, a mental patient from Hatfield, said: "I once threw a Royal Albert Hall paperweight at Jamie Oliver. It left a beautifully symmetrical dent in the middle of his forehead and temporarily cured his lisp.

"But if I was hurling something at the prime minister I'd probably go for an Edinburgh Castle or a Forth Rail Bridge on the basis that he would find them reassuringly familiar and would then forget to duck."

Mr Brown's Special Branch protection officers are now expected to receive additional training in how to throw themselves in front of miniature versions of some of Britain's most treasured architecture travelling at up to 40 miles per hour.

Margaret Gerving, a retired headmistress from Surrey, added: "I'd really like to throw the Royal Yacht Britannia at Harriet Harman, though I suspect I'd need an absolutely enormous crane."

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