An old panto

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House Bee
Feb 2, 2009
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This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the seventies. Ronnie Barker could say all this without a snigger (though god knows how many takes) Irony is that they received not one complaints. Must have been the speed of delivery was too much for the whining herds. Try getting through it without converting the spoonerisms as you read.

This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters

Rindercella and her sugly isters live in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.

The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge and the other was called Betty Swallocks, they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindacella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks.

The giary fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. “Mist all chucking frighty!” said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.

The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rinderella’s door and sugly isters led him in. Suddenly Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let of a fig bart. “Who’s fust jarted?” asked the prandsome hince. “Blame that fugly ucker over there!” said Mary Hinge. When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the susgly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had a bucking fuge halls and hig bard on.

He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella in it fitted pucking ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married and the prandsome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury.

Dont know how Ronnie Barker managed - a hugely talented man.
I failed miserably- with no stress, no audience and time to consider. :svengo:
A question has to be asked. Does this sketch 'performed by Ronnie Barker' exist 'in vision' or on 'audio tape, or 'in print' ?


Mainly because the original sketch, while resembling this in some respects, wasn't anywhere near as smutty, nor would the comic genius Ronnie Barker ever had to stoop so low for a laugh.

The story that Ronnie Barker performed this on the BBC in the 70's has been circulating the net for a few years now and punching "Ronnie Barker Rindercella" into google supports that.

However, the overwhelming evidence shows that he didn't, and the ultimate proof is that 'Rindercella' is not in Ronnie Barker's book "All I Ever Wrote"
where i used to live ronnie was a common to see face and he never ever failed to entertain people evan when it was obvious that he was busy wanting to do something else, he used to do alot of chairity work for a place called cherrington house. there are several so called sketchs that are ronnies works which are not they were sort of atributided to him